Scribbling Dame

Preposterous Pondering.

Necessity is the Mother of Invention August 8, 2011

Filed under: Mommy Issues — Scribbling Dame @ 8:59 pm
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I know. I haven’t blogged in a bit. Sue me. 🙂

I have been busy, and when I haven’t been busy I’ve been tired. And when I haven’t been tired and busy, my laptop battery had 3 minutes left on it. C’est la vie. Plus, I’ve been busy coming up with white lies to tell my daughter so she’ll do my bidding.

I bring you–the snake tent! Never heard of a snake tent? That’s sad for you. You should know about a snake tent because it keeps out all your bad dreams, most especially ones with snakes in them. More importantly, if your kid buys the snake tent concept, it will give you nights of actually sleeping for multiple consecutive hours, which I naively thought would be a given since I have an almost-four-year-old, but apparently that was a lie too (along with pregnancy being nine months, breastfeeding gets rid of your baby weight, etc, etc.).

Snake tent! Genius!

When I was a kid I had a stuffed E.T. doll that kept away bad dreams. It was a totally effective prop.

When my husband was a kid, his mother put coffee grounds in his milk so he’d drink it.

When most of us were kids, we got whiskey on our gums to ease teething pains.

So all I’m saying is, even with all the new-fangled products out there, it’s still easy to find yourself having to get creative to keep your kiddo calm. It’s better than a one-armed man (for you Arrested Development fans). Necessity is the mother of invention, and mothers know invention is totally okay if it makes your kid feel better and gets you what you need to prevent you from selling your kid on Craigslist. See–everyone wins!


To flee or not to flee… June 2, 2011

Filed under: Mommy Issues — Scribbling Dame @ 10:51 pm
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It’s not really a question. I already bought tickets to go to Scotland for a week with the hubs. We will be gone for one week, with no child.

A funny thing happens to me before leaving my kiddo for a whole week at Grandma’s while I go and pretend I don’t have a shit load of responsibility…even before I have left, I feel bad for leaving and I miss my kid immensely. I also start preemptively missing my dog.

I feel guilty for wanting to live a week as if I am not a parent, or a reliable employee, or an adult for that matter. Add to the guilt an extreme sadness at leaving Sofia behind. She suddenly becomes in my mind not a lot of work at all, and all I can think about are her funny and charming qualities and then what a beast I am for counting down the hours until I am drinking mediocre screwdrivers served to me by an angry coach stewardess.

The thought of both my husband and I boarding a plane (aka flying death trap) and leaving my daughter behind just seems downright irresponsible. Especially since we still haven’t had a will drawn up (Real thoughts in my head: “Shit! That has been on our to-do list for three years. Shit! We should have done that before this trip in case we die.”)

So then I finally come around to some semblance of sanity, which involves a lot of self-talk akin to the scene in Feris Bueller’s Day Off where Cameron is in his shitty car arguing to himself the pros and cons of picking up Ferris: “I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go.”

And that’s when the immense tornado of shit to do or else a small kitten will be shot every hour hits.  At work, at home, everything becomes urgent and the length of the responsibilities to be fulfilled to set myself up for a week of no responsibility is bigger than JLo’s ass. What is with that? Where do all of these sudden urgent needs come from?

Whatever. T minus 3 days until whiskey tours, accents, and castles and shit. I must go watch Braveheart to prepare…


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