Scribbling Dame

Preposterous Pondering.

You might look thinner, but you will also look stupider February 1, 2011

Before any of you comment, I am using the word “stupider” ironically. I am fully aware it’s not a word.

Okay. Now that we got that out of the way…

I always find it hilarious that people who are obsessed with losing weight, something you might say is connected to vanity, will often do the most ridiculous looking things to lose weight.  In order to permanently look good, they will temporarily look like a complete ass.

Almost all weight loss infomercials and exercise products reinforce this. Remember the thighmaster? Ridiculous. Or, a more current example: the shake weight. These are items that no one looks good using, which is why they are on infomercials–so fat people who don’t leave their house can use their embarrassing near-sexual exercise gear at home like good Americans.

I recently happened upon a segment from Good Morning America that featured an exercise regime for   new moms called “The Stroller Stride.” I have a problem with this for a couple of reasons; first, if there is one moment to enjoy being gelatinous it is pregnancy and new motherhood. Let’s give ourselves a break already! Secondly, it defies the decency of doing your stupid-looking exercises at home away from public scrutiny. I don’t need to elaborate. Watch for yourself.

I can tell you they had to use fake babies because no right-minded kid wants to be seen pushed around by these crazies.

 

The Marathon Sex Diet December 7, 2010

Filed under: SuperWoman Syndrome,Uncategorized,Vagina — Scribbling Dame @ 7:19 pm
Tags: , , , ,

It’s the holidays which means a lot of things for a lot of people. For almost every woman it means eating things you feel guilty about and lamenting your ever-growing waistline with the full knowledge that come January, it is your womanly duty to become a Resolutionary and discipline yourself back to an acceptable size and shape.

We also know that almost always, those good intentions never work out in the long term.

Fear not! As I was thinking about moving into a monastery where fast food and yummy mixed drinks are not allowed, I came up with an idea that frankly makes me a god-damned genius.

Like this only with sex and living people.

With the various diets I have tried–okay only Weight Watchers–I was shocked to find that there was no physical activity points given for sex. If a ten minute walk counts for activity, then I definitely think that sex should count. And, unlike all those other diets out there, having more sex to lose weight sounds like a diet I could actually follow through on. I don’t know a woman, even those with great sex lives, who wouldn’t opt for more.

Top three reasons why you should try the Marathon Sex Diet:

1) You don’t need a membership or any new gear to get started! (unless you want some of course).

2) Everyone can afford it. (See Note below)

3) I’m not making any guarantees, but it’ll probably create world peace! We all know that sex-starved men leads to more violence in the world.

My minutes of extensive Google research shows that on average, an hour of vigorous sex burns 300 calories! That’s the same as a treadmill and potentially way more rewarding! As women, it is our duty to multi-task. You might as well orgasm, lose weight and keep the love in your relationship alive.

Good luck, happy humping, and feel free to comment with your sucsex stories!

Note: potential side effects include pregnancy and chafing. Use precautions.

 

 
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