Scribbling Dame

Preposterous Pondering.

Love in the time of Bieber August 20, 2012

Filed under: Vagina — Scribbling Dame @ 9:18 pm
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It has occurred to me lately that my definition of “romance” has drastically changed in my eight years of marriage (12 years of togetherness), and of course many of these shifts have occurred after having a child, and now children.

Here are three things that I now consider romantic, that had you told my younger self these things, I would have definitely rolled my eyes and felt sorry for my now self, and thought I was a total weirdo.

1. Matching tattoos. This is a suggestion from my husband. This idea is cool to him because 1) the tattoos are on sale. Seriously–they are flash tattoos for $20 and my husband will buy almost anything if he feels like it’s a good deal. Secondly, it’s spontaneous and he likes that. I usually don’t because I am the responsible boring one, but I agree that being spontaneous is a definite prerequisite for many a romantic endeavor. So, I am seriously considering it, even though I am a total wimp and it’s gonna hurt, which is why I will go first.

2. Daytime sex. Woot! This is one all of you parents of non-napping children can appreciate. Most parents have to have sex late at night because that is their only opportunity for privacy. Before we had Ellie there was the occasional spontaneous nap that would afford some love time, but the odds of both our children being asleep simultaneously AND long enough for us to play “just the tip”…well let’s just say there are better odds at a Vegas card table.

3. Vasectomy. I am laughing as I write this, but I seriously think getting a vasectomy is in the top five most romantic gestures from my husband. Before you go thinking he must be really bad at being romantic (he’s not bad at all) consider this; he is going to let another person use a knife and cauterize him near his penis and ball sack areas–fully awake, so that he will NEVER produce sperm again. I can’t think of a more intense way to say “I’m in it for the long haul.” Besides having kids, of course. I’m just sayin’. That’s commitment people.

So romantic!

 

 

Pregnancy Resignation: Parting is such sweet sorrow… March 17, 2012

Filed under: Mommy Issues,Vagina — Scribbling Dame @ 8:40 pm
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We are days from d-day… I can’t go in public anymore without concerned looks from the general population, all thinking “Damn girl, should you be out with that thing?” I keep tripping over my dog, because my belly hides me from seeing him at my feet. We are all just waiting for the last day of work, counting down the remaining to-dos and the list is almost non-existent. Even Sofia is impatiently asking, “When is Ellie going to get here?”

I am physically over being pregnant but equally nervous about delivery this go around as I was last time. It’s an impending bodily invasion, mixed with complete excitement at seeing her new little face, and at seeing Sofia become a big sister.

The weirdest thing about these last few days is I know I will never have them again–at least if things go according to plan. We aren’t having more than two, so this is basically all she wrote for my fertile shenanigans.

It’s like giving two weeks notice at a job you really love. The last two weeks drag on and there is so much bullshit you encounter and are relieved to be rid of. You know it’s a necessary close to a chapter in your life. But, then there are the sentimental moments too–the finality of knowing you will never have the experience there again. I won’t ever be woken up in the middle of the night because someone’s hiccuping in my belly. I will never have the best of excuses not to do dishes or to demand weird foods at my whim. It will no longer be acceptable to wear elastic pants (at least for a few more decades…)

Even more bizarre, I will soon enter an existence where the next milestones of my womanhood no longer include being the bride-to-be or mother-to-be, but something else-to-be.

Image

This is my dog in a Boppy. He is also slightly unnerved by the impending changes in our household...he knows he is losing rank to yet another ankle biter...

 

 
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