A strange thing happens when your baby becomes a toddler and then a kid. Suddenly they become a bit thoughtful and simultaneously see beauty in mundane and random objects. So, it’s both pleasurable and bizarre when Sofia decides to give me something–sometimes directly or other times as a surprise. Usually she leaves things on my nightstand or by my kitchen sink, most of which are somewhat craptastic in nature, but given my affinity for the giver, all of these little tokens feel like treasures. Here is the latest bounty; rhinestone stickers (stolen from my office), a sticker that no longer sticks, and a penny.
“Mommy, what’s a shithead?” July 5, 2011
Tragically the time has come. I have magically avoided this day for three-and-a-half years, but I suppose everything has it’s season.
Baby girl has entered the parrot phase, which means that one of my vices, the art of cursing, must now become a secret indulgence–at least around all-too-perky toddler ears, which are connected to the suddenly very articulate toddler mouth.
I am a little depressed at my need for discipline. One, I am not good at restraint in almost any variety, and two, I love to swear. Even though I have a wide-ranging vocabulary thanks to a couple of English degrees, I have yet to find the perfect replacement for a good fuck, or mother fucker even.
Still, my love of the curse is replaced by wanting to avoid the chagrin of those clean-mouthed folks such as teachers and other preschool parents, who will not likely think it’s as funny as I do when my little Tiger says, “Fuck it! I hate this!”
So if you know me in the non-internet world, you might see an uptick in my f-bombs and ass-hats, because basically I will be on a swearing binge every time I leave my house. See how I sacrifice?
The Showdown December 25, 2009
Let me just release you from any suspense in this blog–I lost the showdown.
I tried to discipline my two-year-old because she has not been listening to Mommy lately. She has gotten sassier, saying”I don’t want to” and since I was home all week and had the opportunity to actually mother my child, I figured I’d give the old time-out a try and start setting some boundaries before she runs my life in all the wrong ways and generally grows up to be a wanton slut because I never gave her time-out (and my husband and I have already decided not to spank).
The time out turned into an hour long battle, in which I was incredibly stressed and destroyed by guilt and still did not get the apology I was seeking, and Sofia ended up shirtless in a corner with self-inflicted bite marks on her arm and not understanding why I was being so mean to her.
And all this was because she wouldn’t put away her puppy dog. Definitely not fucking worth it.
I have decided it is too soon to use time-outs. I thought I was doing everything that SuperNanny would have instructed–I was firm, I said why she was in time out and said what she had to do to get out (apologize) but she just would not. The guilt I felt was ridiculous–I felt like I was inflicting harm on my child for no GOOD reason–it is not really that important to me if she picks up her puppy if it means she cries for an hour straight and gets so stressed out that she bites her own arm.
Maybe I did it wrong? Maybe she is too young? I have no idea. I would welcome any advice out there…I am afraid that if I don’t figure this one out, I’ll be lost forever!