Scribbling Dame

Preposterous Pondering.

Love in the time of Bieber August 20, 2012

Filed under: Vagina — Scribbling Dame @ 9:18 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

It has occurred to me lately that my definition of “romance” has drastically changed in my eight years of marriage (12 years of togetherness), and of course many of these shifts have occurred after having a child, and now children.

Here are three things that I now consider romantic, that had you told my younger self these things, I would have definitely rolled my eyes and felt sorry for my now self, and thought I was a total weirdo.

1. Matching tattoos. This is a suggestion from my husband. This idea is cool to him because 1) the tattoos are on sale. Seriously–they are flash tattoos for $20 and my husband will buy almost anything if he feels like it’s a good deal. Secondly, it’s spontaneous and he likes that. I usually don’t because I am the responsible boring one, but I agree that being spontaneous is a definite prerequisite for many a romantic endeavor. So, I am seriously considering it, even though I am a total wimp and it’s gonna hurt, which is why I will go first.

2. Daytime sex. Woot! This is one all of you parents of non-napping children can appreciate. Most parents have to have sex late at night because that is their only opportunity for privacy. Before we had Ellie there was the occasional spontaneous nap that would afford some love time, but the odds of both our children being asleep simultaneously AND long enough for us to play “just the tip”…well let’s just say there are better odds at a Vegas card table.

3. Vasectomy. I am laughing as I write this, but I seriously think getting a vasectomy is in the top five most romantic gestures from my husband. Before you go thinking he must be really bad at being romantic (he’s not bad at all) consider this; he is going to let another person use a knife and cauterize him near his penis and ball sack areas–fully awake, so that he will NEVER produce sperm again. I can’t think of a more intense way to say “I’m in it for the long haul.” Besides having kids, of course. I’m just sayin’. That’s commitment people.

So romantic!

 

 

The Marathon Sex Diet December 7, 2010

Filed under: SuperWoman Syndrome,Uncategorized,Vagina — Scribbling Dame @ 7:19 pm
Tags: , , , ,

It’s the holidays which means a lot of things for a lot of people. For almost every woman it means eating things you feel guilty about and lamenting your ever-growing waistline with the full knowledge that come January, it is your womanly duty to become a Resolutionary and discipline yourself back to an acceptable size and shape.

We also know that almost always, those good intentions never work out in the long term.

Fear not! As I was thinking about moving into a monastery where fast food and yummy mixed drinks are not allowed, I came up with an idea that frankly makes me a god-damned genius.

Like this only with sex and living people.

With the various diets I have tried–okay only Weight Watchers–I was shocked to find that there was no physical activity points given for sex. If a ten minute walk counts for activity, then I definitely think that sex should count. And, unlike all those other diets out there, having more sex to lose weight sounds like a diet I could actually follow through on. I don’t know a woman, even those with great sex lives, who wouldn’t opt for more.

Top three reasons why you should try the Marathon Sex Diet:

1) You don’t need a membership or any new gear to get started! (unless you want some of course).

2) Everyone can afford it. (See Note below)

3) I’m not making any guarantees, but it’ll probably create world peace! We all know that sex-starved men leads to more violence in the world.

My minutes of extensive Google research shows that on average, an hour of vigorous sex burns 300 calories! That’s the same as a treadmill and potentially way more rewarding! As women, it is our duty to multi-task. You might as well orgasm, lose weight and keep the love in your relationship alive.

Good luck, happy humping, and feel free to comment with your sucsex stories!

Note: potential side effects include pregnancy and chafing. Use precautions.

 

 
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