Scribbling Dame

Preposterous Pondering.

The Goonies Approach to Yoga September 15, 2014

Filed under: Almost a Yogi — Scribbling Dame @ 10:10 pm
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So I am in it. I finished my first week of yoga teacher training and it has been exactly what I expected–it’s like grad school but adding in a tired, sore body (think armpits and behind the knee-caps soreness kind of tired), and then memorizing terms in foreign languages for positions, spiritual beliefs and body parts, and then trying to articulate out loud with words a feeling you have memorized in your body. Fucking complicated.

I do not have any idea how this connection came into my mind, but I really do feel as if there are a lot of parallels between the Goonies and myself and classmates in this process.

First, we’re underdogs. The first night of our training we each had to share our biggest fear about the training.  Almost everyone had a fear that they would not be “enough” for their students–good enough, choosing the right poses, looking like a yoga teacher, and even being able to be in front of a large group with all eyes watching. I had no idea that most yoga teachers apparently feel this way. Yet we have banded together to do what feels like the impossible in the moment. Goonies.

Some days I feel like a living Truffle Shuffle on the mat. Some days my limbs are too long and heavy, or waaaay too short and there is nothing graceful about what I’m doing on that mat. In public, no less. I sweat like a hooker in church and pant like a dog in heat and I have to remind myself that at least I am there, working hard, and progress rarely looks pretty.

There will be a dead body. Seriously–the other night my instructor said she’s trying to arrange for us to see a cadaver as part of our anatomy section. Wasn’t. Expecting. That. The alternative is we might watch a video of a dissection happening, since there is apparently a shortage of cadavers for study right now. Yay? I am still processing this one.

Even though I was physically exhausted and mentally and spiritually overwhelmed, I had a moment where I realized I just walked into the cave with the pirate ship full of treasure to explore, and will most certainly come out of the experience to a very different life than when I entered, and I take solace in the fact that no matter how hard it gets, Goonies never die, and so neither will I.

Did you say cadaver?

Did you say cadaver?

This is basically my face reading Sanskrit.

This is basically my face reading Sanskrit.

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Almost a Yogi September 8, 2014

Filed under: Almost a Yogi — Scribbling Dame @ 9:23 pm
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Well hello, old friend. I’ve thought about writing you–often. Then I get tired and fall asleep instead.

But here I am and I signed up for my 200 hour yoga teacher certification. I’m a goddamned hippie. Even better, I have to go vegetarian for my training period, which is funny since in my last post about yoga I was all like “nobody’s touching my bacon.” They got to me!

Can I tell you how totally insane it is for me to sign up for this? I’m not that advanced in yoga–I literally cannot even touch my heels to the ground in downward dog. I’m probably 30 pounds larger than most yoga teachers (15 lbs of which is pure boob) and I’m not entirely sure that teaching yoga is a goal for me. Did I mention I work full time and have two kids under age 7. And a dog. And I’m going to be vegetarian over the holidays (no Christmas crab!). FML.

Despite all of that mumbo jumbo, I still felt freakishly compelled to sign up for it. I’m sure it’s going to break me and I love that. I love being a student and it’s been a long time since I got into something where I felt lost and nervous and exhilarated and liberated. I’m ready to be new at something and probably a bit goofy at it like a deer learning to walk or something. I’m pretty sure that’s how I’ll approach headstands.

Plus there are a couple of really important things I need to learn like, how not to laugh like a middle school boy at the inevitable class fart, and find out why I’m not supposed to do an inversion when I’m on my period.

Let me give you a sense of what my “hobby” entails:

–Learn a new language (Sanskrit)

–Learn and understand most of the muscular and skeletal make-up of the human body

–Read 6 books (many of which are philosophical) and write a report on one

–Learn and do most of the poses by going to at least 12 hours of yoga classes each week

–Eat nothing with a mother

–Meditate

–Find enlightenment and let go of my ego

All in approximately 12 weeks time. And this is what I do for fun. Did I also mention that I sweat profusely when doing power vinyasa?

Namaste people.

I'm pretty sure this is what I might look like doing yoga.

I’m pretty sure this is what I might look like doing yoga.

 

 

 

 
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