Scribbling Dame

Preposterous Pondering.

Worst Case Scenario Preschool Decisions January 24, 2011

Week 2 of complete overwhelm over the preschool decision process. As I dig in the trenches for all the options, I envision all the worst case scenarios from each of the choices. Since someone should enjoy this process, it may as well be you, so I have outlined my internal dialogue of crazy that goes with the options on the table. Bon appetite!

Catholic School:

So my husband went to Catholic School for most of his life. He was an altar boy even, and he turned out okay. Ironically, he thinks he may be atheist. But Catholic school for girls is a  whole other story. In my narrative of completely insane and paranoid mother self-talk, I think of three things when I think of Catholic school for Sofia: The first is whore. All the biggest sluts I knew growing up went to Catholic school. Brittney Spears built a whole career on that expectation.  The second is repressed sexuality. So, if she’s not going to be a whore then she’ll probably be a totally repressed secret masturbator who is afraid of her own vagina. Everything in moderation people. Lastly, and this is perhaps the scariest–religious! What if she becomes a Jesus freak and starts gay-hating? What if she becomes that wretched Mandi Moore character from that movie “Saved?” What if she becomes the girl who tells the Juno’s of the world to consider the fetus’ fingernails? It’s too much for me to fathom…

Montessori, Reggio, Waldorf salads:

First any pedagogical philosophy that sounds like a salad or salad ingredient is already suspect in my mind. Second, while I like art and creativity and freedom of thought, I know that none of that shit pays the bills. The last thing I want is to pay A LOT of money for my kid to become a hippy-dippy granola freak who wants to talk about energy cycles and organic gardening. Plus, what if she asks to wear Birkenstocks? I have to draw the line somewhere! Birkenstocks are a sin against fashion–at any time of year, with or without socks. Seconded in offense only by Crocs. My kid will not wear Crocs.

Sigh. And the search continues.

 

The Future Hipster Training Academy January 18, 2011

Filed under: Mommy Issues — Scribbling Dame @ 10:58 pm
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Ugh. We are officially starting our search for preschools. An impossible fucking task for the following reasons;

1)All the best schools are expensive and I am not made of money, though I make a very respectable income.

2) For some reason all the best schools are under the impression that a “full” day is 8:30-3. I fucking wish.

3) I am not into this namby pamby “we work completely in response to your child’s educational interests” approach. One school I looked at even highlighted that it focuses on emotional harmony and spiritual well being!

4) In addition to high tuition costs, they almost all require volunteer hours from the parents. Doesn’t really sound very voluntary.

I would like a school designed for an up-and-coming hipster. I don’t want something too pretentious or overly rigorous, but I also don’t want something too relaxed and unstructured.

Dude. What method is this and how much is it gonna cost me?

I want my kid to get dirty and do crazy Pollock style artwork and then spend the next hour on a computer and reading books. She needs to be able to do math and then turn around and take artistic pictures. I want her to be smart enough to impress at cocktail parties and get into the college and jobs she wants, but still have the self-sufficiency of a blue-collared single mother. She needs confidence and physical activity but I also want her to be able to sit in a chair for an hour and contemplate religion. I want her to write ridiculous stories. I want her to eat healthy but also know what brie is. I want her to play outside with chickens. I want her to sing and dance–the more indie the better. I want her to have enough freedom to be herself and exude her wonderful three-year-old energy while also learning the discipline it will take her to succeed more structured environments. And, since she’s a girl,I want her to know that she can do anything she wants just as well as anyone else. I don’t want anyone putting out her fire.

Oh, and I would like all this for 10K or less per year, four days a week, from 7:30-6.

Are you out there Future Hipster Training Academy?

 

Visual Moments in Motherhood October 22, 2010

Filed under: Visual Moments in Motherhood — Scribbling Dame @ 11:29 pm
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To make my blog more equal opportunity for you visual learners out there, I now include a weekly post of an image that comes up when I google “mother images.” Because I am well-read and classy I then enlighten you by interpreting how the image captures real moments in Motherhood.

 

For all my complaining about motherhood, we all know that the key survival mechanism of our children is their supreme ability to insert a moment of cuteness and innocence into just the right moments (usually this is just as mommy is about to lose her shit and start weeping unconsolably). Today my daughter had two of these moments, which means she is stocking up on her cuteness reserve which sort of frightens me but lets live in the moments. Lovable moment number 1) In the car this morning I get asked, “Mommy, what’s migration?” First, this is an impressive question which makes me feel like I actually might be doing something right by this child. Second, migration sounds way more fun and interesting in a teeny cutesy preschool voice. 2) While her grandparents babysat her tonight, she put on her grandma’s reading glasses, at which point Granda asks baby girl, how’d you get so beautiful? To which my daughter replies, “because Mommy is.”  Well played child. You may just find $5 in your piggy bank when you wake up.

 

 
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