Dog or Baby? April 24, 2013

It’s been a while. I’m working on an amazing project–soon to be announced. I’m going to be a more attentive blogger again–promise.

My first-born is Chachi. He is a 6 year-old Havanese and he taught me almost everything I needed to know about parenting, roughly a year before I became one for reals. You may think this is reaching, but the below quiz will confirm that if you are considering a baby, a dog is a great first step that is near identical to parenting a human child.

I bring you the quiz “Dog or Baby?” Your challenge is to read each statement and determine if it was achieved by a dog, a baby, or both in my household. Good luck.

1. Ate so many sticks off the floor leading to projectile vomiting all over my couch. Dog or baby?
2. Growls incessantly. Dog or baby?
3. Withholds poop when parents go away for extended periods of time. Dog or baby?
4. Needs a drink from mommy’s bathroom every night before bed. Dog or baby?
5. Does not believe Daddy is in charge. Dog or baby?
6. Does not believe Mommy is in charge. Dog or baby?
7. Farts all damn day. Dog or baby?
8. Wakes up religiously at 6 a.m. due to starvation or thirst. Dog or baby?
9. Loves to spoon, especially to fall asleep. Dog or baby?
10. Licks everything. Dog or baby?

Answer key:

Baby,Both,Dog,Dog,Dog,Baby,Both,Both,Dog,Baby

In some ways, my dog is the devoted snuggly baby I’ve always wanted, and the baby is the adventurous goofy dog I always wanted. Huh. 🙂

Don’t let these cute faces fool you…

The Mother of all Fears August 1, 2012

We have rounded the corner on month four of keeping two children alive. So far so good. Ellie is finally taking a bottle (I never thought someone would love my boobs more than my husband…) and Sofia is enjoying her summer shenanigans (which includes getting into minor trouble for saying potty words under the table at school–don’t know where she picks this stuff up from…ahem.)

There is something I noticed this time around, that started when I had Sofia and continues today, now centered more around Ellie. I am speaking of an uncanny ability to envision the most horrific dangers that could possibly ever happen to my children. Let me share some examples;

A normal person might be afraid to drop a baby–a valid concern. A Mother’s fear is more like being terrified of tripping whilst wearing the baby bjorn and landing on said baby resulting in a head squashed like watermelon on the pavement.

Pretty fucked up huh?

Once you become a mother, in the back of your mind, you fear the worst…

 

There are some more obvious fears like SIDS, which for me manifests itself in a slightly weird noise heard over the monitor that was probably nothing but what if it’s choking and I don’t get out of bed to check then she dies and it’s all my fault.

Sunburns=cancer potential

Accidentally feeling a buzz from dinner wine (as a breastfeeding mommy)=BAS (Baby Alcohol Syndrome) which is probably not real, but I feel potentially guilty for anyway.

 

I suppose this is what they call “motherly instinct” or also paranoia.