Yes I am alive! I bet you thought the children finally were able to overthrow the house and hold us captive…but, I took a month off to enjoy the new babe and then I just got lazy, therefor you should congratulate me on writing this post because it means I am not being lazy (about blogging) any more. For now.
We have rounded the corner from newborn semi-chaos to baby bliss. Routine is nice. However, there is a mystery abounding in the household that baffles my mind. I cannot fathom how such small beings generate so much snot and boogers. I’m not talking the occasional green fugitive here and there. I am talking full-on blob-like invasion. A tsunami of nose nuggets overtakes our house EVERY DAY.
The pleasantries begin with my four-year-old’s allergies. This involves clear snot rocket boogers that shoot out upon every sneeze. Inevitably these sneezes occur near my face as I am prying open my eyelids to tolerate the day, or more awesomely, at meal times. After the snot has presented itself, Sofia sits there like a walrus with booger tusks and waits for one of us to bring her a tissue, as if we are fucking tissue valets. Blech.
In her defense, we are not expected to clean up all her boogers, because she also likes to eat them. (Puke in mouth.) One day I asked her, “why do you eat your boogers?” She looks at me like I am a total freaking moron and says, “Because they taste good.” Duh.
On to the tiny. You would think for having such small nasal passages that gigantic green goblins wouldn’t be a part of our lives yet. However, they are there. They stare at me from the light of the beautiful smiling cherubic face which makes me impulsively have to pick them. I can’t concentrate until this flaw has been removed.
Sometimes though, I don’t have to bother. When Ellie is breastfeeding, she manages to deposit her boogies onto my boob. This is like wiping them on a dinner table if you ask me. It is these moments when I get a little depressed, remembering when my boobs used to be perky things of glory that would get me free stuff when I went out. Now they are milky booger depositories. Sigh.
It’s okay. I’ll take boogers over poop any day.