Scribbling Dame

Preposterous Pondering.

The Wrath of the Tiger Lady February 14, 2011

Filed under: SuperWoman Syndrome — Scribbling Dame @ 10:33 pm
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I have no idea how this pic of me got onto the internets.

Before you get all excited, this is not the mandatory mommy blog post about Amy Chua’s new book The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, though I am definitely going to read it as soon as I get my Kindle back which was in the purse that I left at the Koren BBQ joint at lunch today. Fingers crossed.

The Tiger Lady is what happens to those of us who, for whatever reasons, have to do for ourselves from a very young age, resulting in a potentially scaly and rarely vulnerable demeanor. This demeanor is not one that many people warm up to, in particular men.

You can call her a feminist if you want, but they are not interchangeable. You can call her a tough ass bitch, which I can assure you is a smoke screen.

The reality is that not all women know how to accept help because they have rarely been extended a hand. Not all women know how to flatter, because they have not been around enough people who have paid them compliments. Tiger Ladies don’t always know how to be a good friend, because not many people have stuck around them long enough to be good friends to them.

Sometimes I am a Tiger Lady, though having a kiddo has certainly made me more empathetic and compassionate and affectionate. Sometimes I have to remind myself that though I am a fighter, not everything is a battle. Ultimately, empowerment is about making conscious decisions regarding who to be. Sometimes those claws need to be out, but not always.

 

To Barbie or not to Barbie: a feminist dilemma November 21, 2010

Filed under: Boobs,Mommy Issues,SuperWoman Syndrome,Vagina — Scribbling Dame @ 10:00 pm
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It happened. Sofia has asked for a Barbie for Christmas from Santa.

I always knew this day would come but I did not expect it so soon. As far as I knew, she had never seen a Barbie, but she says she saw one at Preschool.

So, I go back in forth in my mind. We all know she has the dimensions of a stripper and dresses like a hooker with whore make-up to boot. We all know she was the offspring of a German sex toy and that her dimensions on a real woman would mean that she would be incapable of walking. This is feminism 101.

You naughty minxes!

I also know that my Barbies got dressed 50 times for one date and then had sex all the time–unprotected no less! Besides maybe riding in a Dream House elevator or pink corvette, I can remember making my Barbies doing nothing else.

I can also say that I never thought of Barbie as a real person. I never thought I should look like her or be like her, although I confess that even now a swimsuit that changes color in water is probably something I would still buy. So, Santa will be supplying her a Barbie this year–on a pink Vespa no less. Grandma will give her a friend for Barbie–who happens to be African American. (Did you know they make a RocaWear Barbie? Now that’s street.)

Don’t get me wrong, walking down the Barbie isle at Toys-R-Us was shocking. There were some Barbies that  had more make-up on than Snooki or a “preschool teacher” Barbie that was dressed like Pam Anderson. I am not saying that these images are totally harmless or that they haven’t reinforced some unhealthy perceptions and habits.

Hmmm. Didn't see this one. Must've been sold out.

However, after my mental tug-o-war on this topic I realized there are an infinite number of negative and unrealistic images of women out there. The best gift I can give my daughter is teaching her the skill of living in this world confidently despite those images–whether they come from toys or the media or even her own friends in the teenage years.

Barbie shall be lesson numero uno.

 

I would much rather be a humanist. November 8, 2010

Filed under: Boobs,Mommy Issues,SuperWoman Syndrome,Vagina — Scribbling Dame @ 10:34 pm
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An “ism” usually gets a bad name. There are not a lot of good “isms” in the world. In fact, I am having a hard time thinking of just one example of a good “ism.” Vagism–nope. Communism–nope. Socialism–maybe. One “ism” that seems to always ruffle feathers is the dreaded “f” word: feminism. As a definite feminist even I sometimes cringe at the label, because it often equates with man-hater, terrible parent, and other undesirable qualities.

Yet every time I think of shirking the label, the gravitational pull of the lack of equality in our society burns in my gut in a way that is frankly too compelling to ignore. I cannot turn a blind eye to this kind of injustice, and I especially can’t ignore illogical behaviors and policies, particularly since becoming a mother. It does not make any god-damned sense to me why, since I am the breadwinner in my family, I will make 70 cents to the dollar to the guy next to me because he has a wang and doesn’t deliver babies. This is one example of many.

And so, this is why for now, I must remain a feminist. My ultimate fantasy is that one day I will be privileged enough to focus on human rights, because the gender gaps will be moot.

So, what is a feminist to do in a time of trouble? She turns to her icons and her mentors. In my case, I  happened across a brief interview with the mother of all feminists, Gloria Steinem, who gracefully articulates the true spirit behind feminism, which is about individual freedoms and fairness that is for the greater good.

Enjoy the video. I shall be burning my bra whilst you watch.

Feminism Celebrates the Individual

 

Ambitchon January 15, 2010

Filed under: Mommy Issues,SuperWoman Syndrome — Scribbling Dame @ 6:48 pm
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This is the new Angel in the House, ladies. We no longer have to kill the voice that says “serve men, be gentle, be selfless.” We have a much more forbiddable enemy that I have, with affection, named Ambitchon.

This is the modern demon that those of us who want to be more than mother and wife have to face (and to be clear, being mother and/or wife is more than enough!). In fact, Ambitchon is the residue of the legacy our feminist mothers and sisters worked so hard to establish for us. That is,  creating the opportunity and expectation for us to be accepted as more than mothers and wives in society. However, greatest strengths are often our greatest weaknesses and what started out as an amazing gift has now shapeshifted into an inner oppression, a self-imposed guilty conscience.

Before, the voice said “Dare to dream. Don’t be afraid to take time, take money, create space to make it happen.” Now, the voice says, “You should be doing it all–at once! Be an excellent mother! Be a tigress in bed! Be the breadwinner! Exercise! Whatever you do, be the best at it!”

I am having the hardest time calming the fuck down and I want nothing more. I want to relax. I want to savor the moment. I want to STRIVE FOR STATUS QUO and balance. I even got myself a four-day work-week to support this goal! But, I am having the hardest time respecting my own boundaries. All this time I have blamed my company, or my financial situation, or my need to be the first in my family, or to prove that “it” can be done. Even starting this blog has been a challenge because what started out as a fun outlet quickly turned into–“how do I become the BEST at this?” Bloody hell!

I now feel that Ambitchon is the greatest threat to modern feminism. Regular ambition is still good: it’s the thing that motivates us to live to our fullest potential. Ambitchion is unchecked, throbbing, and destructive. It convinces us that we are not good enough where we are–that we must do more or be better even when it doesn’t really align with our values. 

I am not as violent as Virginia Woolf was. There is no killing necessary here. I find it sufficient to say “Fuck you Ambitchon! I am an excellent example of female strength right where I am. I have nothing left to prove to you. Punk ass bitch.” (sorry, that last part was the ghetto roots coming out…)

 

 
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