Scribbling Dame

Preposterous Pondering.

Visual Moments in Motherhood February 14, 2011

Filed under: Visual Moments in Motherhood — Scribbling Dame @ 10:02 pm

To make my blog more equal opportunity for you visual learners out there, I now include a regular post of an image that comes up when I google “mother images.” Because I am well-read and classy I then enlighten you by interpreting how the image captures real moments in Motherhood.

Somehow the universe seems to know when you have less than an iota of emotional energy left to spare, and it decides that you will not only have to use that iota, but tap into a magical reserve. If you are like any human mother, your kids will inevitably suffer the consequences be it a boxed dinner, a night of TV comatose instead of play time and conversation, or in the worst cases no patience. Thanks universe. Kindly fuck off now.

🙂

 

Visual Moments in Motherhood January 12, 2011

To make my blog more equal opportunity for you visual learners out there, I now include a weekly post of an image that comes up when I google “mother images.” Because I am well-read and classy I then enlighten you by interpreting how the image captures real moments in Motherhood.

 

There is nothing better than baby snuggles–even when your baby looks like a porcelain doll that your Great Aunt orders you from the Home Shopping Network. The snuggability factor is one of babies’ best survival mechanisms. Their use of the technique only becomes more selective as they learn how to best manipulate the balance between asking you to do a lot for them–like wake up at all hours of the night or clean up their puke–and your threshold for cuteness. They know that if they cuddle you, you are enslaved.

Watch out lady with the fake baby. Watch out.

 

Visual Moments in Motherhood January 5, 2011

Filed under: Visual Moments in Motherhood — Scribbling Dame @ 10:03 pm
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To make my blog more equal opportunity for you visual learners out there, I now include a weekly post of an image that comes up when I google “mother images.” Because I am well-read and classy I then enlighten you by interpreting how the image captures real moments in Motherhood.

This mother has reached the point where she has decided that trying to keep her child clean, and trying to do laundry are both futile efforts. It is clear she has given up and opted to let her child roam the world as she came into it–stark naked.

She looks at the child in amazement and the child has a look of defiance on her face. “I have worn you down, Mother. Now I am free. “

 

Visual Moments in Motherhood December 17, 2010

Filed under: Visual Moments in Motherhood — Scribbling Dame @ 10:05 pm
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To make my blog more equal opportunity for you visual learners out there, I now include a weekly post of an image that comes up when I google “mother images.” Because I am well-read and classy I then enlighten you by interpreting how the image captures real moments in Motherhood.

This mother bakes cookies from scratch, sews and knits clothing, recycles, never eats out, takes care of the neighborhood old people, and rubs her husband’s feet at night. This mother would NEVER use the f-word, or feed her kid instant oatmeal or let her little one run around without a coat. This mother doesn’t even own a T.V. and she wouldn’t even think of forgetting the juice for her daughter’s Christmas party at school, because it was hand-pressed apple cider.

Let’s take her out.

 

Visual Moments in Motherhood November 23, 2010

Filed under: Visual Moments in Motherhood — Scribbling Dame @ 4:26 pm
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To make my blog more equal opportunity for you visual learners out there, I now include a weekly post of an image that comes up when I google “mother images.” Because I am well-read and classy I then enlighten you by interpreting how the image captures real moments in Motherhood.

This week I turn to mother nature to represent the life of a mother. Naturally the Humpback Whale makes sense since one cannot become a mother without humping. As demonstrated here, the image shows the constant mother-riding that is a part of motherhood. Her partner wants to mount her. Children latch onto her legs or want to be carried, usually when she is in the middle of trying to cook dinner or get something done. Even household animals will see a resting mother and promptly jump on her lap or find a way to smother her with their needy beings, for we all know there is no height requirement to ride the mother-ride.

 

Visual Moments in Motherhood November 5, 2010

Filed under: Visual Moments in Motherhood — Scribbling Dame @ 9:57 pm

To make my blog more equal opportunity for you visual learners out there, I now include a weekly post of an image that comes up when I google “mother images.” Because I am well-read and classy I then enlighten you by interpreting how the image captures real moments in Motherhood.

Mothers’ Fantasies

1. Eating a hot meal.

2. Eating said meal without having to get up to fetch anything.

3. Eating a meal without the mention of poop.

4. Eating a meal without someone actually pooping during the meal.

5. Preparing one meal that all family members actually eat.

6. Family leaves meal without creating other major messes or dirty laundry.

7. When I go to use the parmesan grater, there is actually some goddamned cheese in it. (Hypothetically speaking of course.)

 

Visual Moments in Motherhood–Rated R October 27, 2010

Filed under: Visual Moments in Motherhood — Scribbling Dame @ 8:54 pm
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To make my blog more equal opportunity for you visual learners out there, I now include a weekly post of an image that comes up when I google “mother images.” Because I am well-read and classy I then enlighten you by interpreting how the image captures real moments in Motherhood.


So yeah. When I saw this pop up on my google search of mother images this made total sense. In fact, if I didn’t have the chain shirt and leather pants in the laundry I would think someone was spying on me. It makes a little more sense when you realize this is for the fetish fashion brand Mother of London. Perhaps that is her son next to her at the bar?

A lot of this does relate to motherhood fashion though. I distinctly remember a time when I decided that wearing a shirt was pointless given the boob tap that I was and the puke sauce that was often recycled onto my tops. So, topless did come to mind and I could see how a shiny gold chain shirt might be a good distracting toy for the little one. Leather pants are easy to clean and won’t stain, plus they are hard to take off so technically they are also birth control. Plus the whole bar scene makes sense, given that most moms start to hit up their own bottle once baby is born.

Makes sense to me.

 

Visual Moments in Motherhood October 22, 2010

Filed under: Visual Moments in Motherhood — Scribbling Dame @ 11:29 pm
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To make my blog more equal opportunity for you visual learners out there, I now include a weekly post of an image that comes up when I google “mother images.” Because I am well-read and classy I then enlighten you by interpreting how the image captures real moments in Motherhood.

 

For all my complaining about motherhood, we all know that the key survival mechanism of our children is their supreme ability to insert a moment of cuteness and innocence into just the right moments (usually this is just as mommy is about to lose her shit and start weeping unconsolably). Today my daughter had two of these moments, which means she is stocking up on her cuteness reserve which sort of frightens me but lets live in the moments. Lovable moment number 1) In the car this morning I get asked, “Mommy, what’s migration?” First, this is an impressive question which makes me feel like I actually might be doing something right by this child. Second, migration sounds way more fun and interesting in a teeny cutesy preschool voice. 2) While her grandparents babysat her tonight, she put on her grandma’s reading glasses, at which point Granda asks baby girl, how’d you get so beautiful? To which my daughter replies, “because Mommy is.”  Well played child. You may just find $5 in your piggy bank when you wake up.

 

Visual Moments in Motherhood October 14, 2010

Filed under: Visual Moments in Motherhood — Scribbling Dame @ 8:37 pm
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To make my blog more equal opportunity for you visual learners out there, I now include a weekly post of an image that comes up when I google “mother images.” Because I am well-read and classy I then enlighten you by interpreting how the image captures real moments in Motherhood.

Nowadays you can get anything on a stick.

 

 

Ah yes. Cold and flu season is upon us. To the left we have the perfect depiction of mother with plague. As we all know, a household with sick child or sick partner (so basically two sick children) is in fact a test of motherly stamina. As if a mother’s regular duties are not enough to keep her going into the night, when illness cloaks the house, it is the universe’s little way of saying, “you think you do it all, but let’s see how you hold up when you really do it all.” And so, after all the illnesses in the family have passed, you are left with mom-on-a-stick. The head is physically there, but frankly she is all used up. The stare is blank and she is praying for things to go back to her normal overload. Unfortunately, just as the family recovers, the plague finds the mother and uses up that last quarter of her body and being. Her reward for being such a good caretaker. After all, families share everything.

 

Visual Moments in Motherhood October 5, 2010

Filed under: Visual Moments in Motherhood — Scribbling Dame @ 9:30 pm
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To make my blog more equal opportunity for you visual learners out there, I now include a weekly post of an image that comes up when I google “mother images.” Because I am well-read and classy I then enlighten you by interpreting how the image captures real moments in Motherhood.

It almost seems wrong to try and comment on such a masterpiece as it so obviously translates the realities of motherhood into visual eye candy, with an eighties flare. While I believe this is trying to represent Mother Nature, I also believe that art means what you interpret it to mean and therefore I see represented a mountainous splitting headache, probably from listening to her almost three-year old whine for the sun to come out all the way home from the mall. Hypothetically speaking, of course. The volcano represents her patience, or lack thereof, at her daughter’s insistence that she choose her own clothes even though she can rarely actually decide on an outfit. The waterfalls are her bleeding ears from listening to the Black Eyed Peas “Boom Boom (Pow)” song endlessly. The tiny car on the road is the getaway fantasy, where she drives to a place that would merit the use of fancy red lipstick and likely involve hot meals with uninterrupted conversation that involves polysyllabic words.

 

Visual Moments in Motherhood September 28, 2010

Filed under: Visual Moments in Motherhood — Scribbling Dame @ 9:18 pm

To make my blog more equal opportunity for you visual learners out there, I now include a weekly post of an image that comes up when I google “mother images.” Because I am well-read and classy I then enlighten you by interpreting how the image captures real moments in Motherhood.

Dirty, sweaty and exhausted, this mother bears a cross that is a child refusing to go to sleep, a job perhaps not going as planned, dogs needing baths and husbands not picking up their shit around the house. NPR calls this Weary Working Women. I call this Tuesday.

 

Visual Moments in Motherhood September 21, 2010

Filed under: Visual Moments in Motherhood — Scribbling Dame @ 7:48 pm
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To make my blog more equal opportunity for you visual learners out there, I now include a weekly post of an image that comes up when I google “mother image.” Because I am well-read and classy I then enlighten you by interpreting how the image captures real moments in Motherhood.

This week:

This is pretty much the image that ran through my mind when my friend told me she and her husband were having the “talk” and going to start trying soon. This is how my depraved mind works. I envision what is probably some sweet old lady who used to tell nice stories to kids as a wenchy crazy beeotch on a rabid goose that is taking deadly aim at my friend. Part of this could be because I am terrified of birds.

Seriously, though. Look at this picture. She has on a redrum cape, a witch’s hat and is carrying some kind of weapon for poking eyes out. Plus all of her poems are about old ladies living in shoes and shit. Even the goose has crazy eyes…not exactly what will soothe the kiddos to sleep.

 

Visual Moments in Motherhood September 14, 2010

Filed under: Visual Moments in Motherhood — Scribbling Dame @ 9:03 pm
Tags: , ,

To make my blog more equal opportunity for you visual learners out there, I now include a weekly post of an image that comes up when I google “mother image.” Because I am well-read and classy I then enlighten you by interpreting how the image captures real moments in Motherhood.

This week:

Portrait of the Artist's Mother

Eesh. A well-balanced mother has to have many facets to her personality. There is the creative arts-and-crafts-side, the compassionate snuggling side, the playful side, the responsible housekeeping and cooking side and the disciplinarian. Guess which one this is.

The disciplinarian must look fierce, hence the lack of soft features like wispy hair or rosy cheeks. Baggy eyes, dead stare and a hooded cape add a layer of realism, letting the youngling know, “Mommy is tired and about to lose her shit.” This is the warning face, the “if you do that one more time I’m going to X (insert preferred method of punishment here)” or “if you don’t do X, I will X you like you wouldn’t believe.”

 

Visual Moments in Motherhood September 8, 2010

Filed under: Visual Moments in Motherhood — Scribbling Dame @ 9:17 pm
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Picasso "Tumblers (Mother and Son)" 1905

Ah, yes. Mealtime.

This mother is obviously perplexed at how her child, who loved pictured mystery meal for all of last week, will not touch it at all this week even though Mommy went to Costco and stocked up on the mystery meal contents since FINALLY she found something this kid will eat. She is also puzzled at how her kid will eat her own salty boogers, but does not find this meal appetizing.

Now mother will have to eat the mystery meal contents from Costco for the next three years.

 

Visual Moments in Motherhood September 1, 2010

Filed under: Visual Moments in Motherhood — Scribbling Dame @ 7:32 pm
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This mother is clearly at Ikea because the kitchen is clean, so she cannot possibly be at home. She has a cookbook in her hands and is thinking how it would save the family a lot of money if she actually learned how to cook, but then this means she would have to start cooking, and probably be expected to do it all the time. It is also quite endearing how she remembered to do her hair, but forgot that she was wearing the tablecloth.

We’ve all been there, dearie.

 

 
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