Scribbling Dame

Preposterous Pondering.

Dear Medical Professionals… September 9, 2011

Filed under: Mommy Issues,Vagina — Scribbling Dame @ 10:05 am
Tags: , , ,

I am unsure why this is, but the most brutal prenatal appointment is your first one (of the pregnancy). For me, in the first trimester, I am nauseous, starving but the thought of eating is unappealing, thirsty but I can’t stand water, tired like I have the flu, and generally feeling like if I am not wrapped in a blanket on my couch, I am in imminent danger. So fun!

Slightly less fun than a mechanical bull.

What could make this magical time even more fun? A pap smear! Just what every woman wants when she is bloated and has a swollen uterus. And to add to the excitement, tests for every STD imaginable–so you can find out if your husband is cheating on you or your slutty past caught up with you at just the right time!  Plus, while your boobs feel like a very sensitive zit about to explode, you get a breast exam poking all up in there! All of this is just the fun you get to have with your doctor.

Even more fun awaits you at the lab where you get to sacrifice your precious bodily fluids; one million vials of blood and a pee cup. Yeehaw!

I feel like a total trooper this time around because I got through it without even crying. I suppose it is good training for the reality in motherhood that your body is no longer your own–ever since Sofia I have been poked, prodded, elbowed, head butt, stirrupped, kneed, bonked, tugged, etc., etc. Still, I stopped for my requisite ice cream to blunt the mama trauma.


6 Responses to “Dear Medical Professionals…”

  1. Jessica Says:

    The more of my friends that have kids, the more I think that we are just going to keep using you people to get our kid fix and keep our money and our bodies to ourselves…..

  2. tadmack Says:

    Um, I’m with Jessica.

  3. Laura K Says:

    Hey, I check in here everyone and was surprised to figure out the whole “joni’s pregnant?!” thing! Awesome! 🙂 just wanted to say congrats!

  4. Laura K Says:

    I want to edit my typo…
    (everyone = every once and a while)
    dang it

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