My husband has slowly converted me into an Apple fanatic. Between my husband’s penchant for technology and my ability to be completely suckered by marketing (read: “ooh pretty package!”) Apple is a perfect match for our indulgences. We feel cool and edgy, even though we are middle class yuppies willing to waste cash on things that a hundred million other people also own.
Still, here are five apps that I really think Apple should consider. While I like Angry Birds and interactive Scrabble, I know some people who could really use these apps instead:
1. Zero calorie mixed drink app. This one is for me. I’d really like an app that lets me drink my sorority-grade cocktails–you know, high sugar, barely any taste of alcohol–without the guilt of knowing that every time I get buzzed I have an hour on the treadmill as payment.
2. Make my teenager less of an a-hole app. Teenagers are a-holes. Even good ones. I should know. I have two teenage siblings that are utter shits. If teenagers weren’t so hateful and stupid and selfish, the world would be a better place.
3. Traffic Remover. This is an app that almost everyone can use. Imagine how much more life you could live if you weren’t stuck behind ass hats who can’t merge, rubber-neckers who want to see carnage, and slow pokes in general.
4. Magic dinner maker. The solution to America’s obesity and financial problems. If we had an app that made our dinner for us, with fresh ingredients, we’d be in good shape and we would have more time with our families. Do you remember the magic windows on Star Trek that just required a push of a button and then it’d open up and whatever you needed was there? Yeah, that’s where I’m going with this.
5. Spouse Skin. Think of this like a new skin for your phone or your laptop, but it makes your husband look like Bradley Cooper (my latest Hollywood desert island choice–you know the game where you and your husband assume that your spouse is dead and you have to choose a celebrity to be stranded with and nothing counts because you just need to keep the human race going…) I love my husband. I wouldn’t marry anyone else, but it would be fun to be able to have his personality in Bradley Cooper’s body. Really fun.
Okay Apple and developers. I did my part. Now get to work.