Scribbling Dame

Preposterous Pondering.

Maternal Euphemisms April 17, 2011

Filed under: Mommy Issues — Scribbling Dame @ 10:11 pm
Tags: , , ,

There are a lot of terms and phrases out there that are used with pregnancy and parenthood that just don’t quite accurately capture the phenomenon at hand.

Some examples;

“losing the baby” For obvious reasons this came up for me a lot in the past week. Losing a baby sounds much more pleasant. It has a Britney Spears “oops I did it again” feeling. Silly mommy! She lost the baby!

“terrible twos”  Anyone who has a kid past the age of 2 knows a few things about this one–the first is that it usually starts before two, and the second is that it lasts well beyond the age of two. But, of course if people said it was the “terrible pre-5s” it may put a damper on people’s libidinous desire to multiply.

“withchild” Yes, the child is always with her.

“baby bump” sounds way cuter than “stomach skin stretching,” or “can’t see my toes no mo’.” They may as well call it “one piece swimsuit forever.”

This is not quite how I looked when I was "crowning." But close.

“episiotomy” sounds like a new spa treatment or a girl’s night out activity. WRONG!

“disability” when referring to childbirth has always struck me as an irony, because of course you find your body, spirit and mind doing more than it ever has before. But, whatever keeps the checks comin.’

“crowning” of course sounds like quite an honor and a regal task, but is, shall we say, not for the faint-hearted.

I suppose it makes sense to have more delicate, pleasant sounding terms for these things since the alternative is usually too much brutal honesty that will scare the shit out of people. There is a reason hormones kick in during pregnancy and motherhood–it is to buffer the realities of the hardest thing you’ll ever try and do in your life. Those of us that are in the know can just silently chuckle to ourselves…

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