Scribbling Dame

Preposterous Pondering.

Worst Case Scenario Preschool Decisions January 24, 2011

Week 2 of complete overwhelm over the preschool decision process. As I dig in the trenches for all the options, I envision all the worst case scenarios from each of the choices. Since someone should enjoy this process, it may as well be you, so I have outlined my internal dialogue of crazy that goes with the options on the table. Bon appetite!

Catholic School:

So my husband went to Catholic School for most of his life. He was an altar boy even, and he turned out okay. Ironically, he thinks he may be atheist. But Catholic school for girls is a  whole other story. In my narrative of completely insane and paranoid mother self-talk, I think of three things when I think of Catholic school for Sofia: The first is whore. All the biggest sluts I knew growing up went to Catholic school. Brittney Spears built a whole career on that expectation.  The second is repressed sexuality. So, if she’s not going to be a whore then she’ll probably be a totally repressed secret masturbator who is afraid of her own vagina. Everything in moderation people. Lastly, and this is perhaps the scariest–religious! What if she becomes a Jesus freak and starts gay-hating? What if she becomes that wretched Mandi Moore character from that movie “Saved?” What if she becomes the girl who tells the Juno’s of the world to consider the fetus’ fingernails? It’s too much for me to fathom…

Montessori, Reggio, Waldorf salads:

First any pedagogical philosophy that sounds like a salad or salad ingredient is already suspect in my mind. Second, while I like art and creativity and freedom of thought, I know that none of that shit pays the bills. The last thing I want is to pay A LOT of money for my kid to become a hippy-dippy granola freak who wants to talk about energy cycles and organic gardening. Plus, what if she asks to wear Birkenstocks? I have to draw the line somewhere! Birkenstocks are a sin against fashion–at any time of year, with or without socks. Seconded in offense only by Crocs. My kid will not wear Crocs.

Sigh. And the search continues.


4 Responses to “Worst Case Scenario Preschool Decisions”

  1. jade Says:

    Why don’t you look into the homeschooling option. I am sure there is a group for parents around here. Some places break it up so each day your kid goes to a different parents home. Each parent teaches a different subject blah get the idea. But I didn’t factor in that you might work.

    • Yes, that would be a great option–if Sofia had another mother! I personally don’t have the patience and then there is that damn job. 🙂 For some I know homeschooling has worked out great, though. It probably is the closest thing I could get to a Hipster Academy…

      • jade Says:

        Those dang jobs really do get in the way. but if you did home schooling just by your writing you I can tell you would be the coolest home schooling mom on the block!!

      • My first unit of curriculum would be the variety of ways to incorporate the F bomb. “F” is for…
        My second unit of curriculum would be “how to wipe up your own boogers, bum, and barf.”

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