Ugh. We are officially starting our search for preschools. An impossible fucking task for the following reasons;
1)All the best schools are expensive and I am not made of money, though I make a very respectable income.
2) For some reason all the best schools are under the impression that a “full” day is 8:30-3. I fucking wish.
3) I am not into this namby pamby “we work completely in response to your child’s educational interests” approach. One school I looked at even highlighted that it focuses on emotional harmony and spiritual well being!
4) In addition to high tuition costs, they almost all require volunteer hours from the parents. Doesn’t really sound very voluntary.
I would like a school designed for an up-and-coming hipster. I don’t want something too pretentious or overly rigorous, but I also don’t want something too relaxed and unstructured.
I want my kid to get dirty and do crazy Pollock style artwork and then spend the next hour on a computer and reading books. She needs to be able to do math and then turn around and take artistic pictures. I want her to be smart enough to impress at cocktail parties and get into the college and jobs she wants, but still have the self-sufficiency of a blue-collared single mother. She needs confidence and physical activity but I also want her to be able to sit in a chair for an hour and contemplate religion. I want her to write ridiculous stories. I want her to eat healthy but also know what brie is. I want her to play outside with chickens. I want her to sing and dance–the more indie the better. I want her to have enough freedom to be herself and exude her wonderful three-year-old energy while also learning the discipline it will take her to succeed more structured environments. And, since she’s a girl,I want her to know that she can do anything she wants just as well as anyone else. I don’t want anyone putting out her fire.
Oh, and I would like all this for 10K or less per year, four days a week, from 7:30-6.
Are you out there Future Hipster Training Academy?