You have no idea how much I have missed you! I have been paying my dues as a loving granddaughter to my 66 year old Grandma, who is physically going on 90 and mentally going on 5 due to a nice cocktail of a variety of drugs I have considered abusing as a suburban housewife a la prescription drug addictions.
I went to Lake Roberts New Mexico, population less than sign worthy. There are two things in Lake Roberts besides Grandma–an ugly green lake where the ducks are scared of people and some cliff dwellings which are frankly only worth the hike the first time. This is where I have been–no cell phone or internet–for an entire week. Feel sorry for me. There wasn’t even a Starbucks in the nearest town. Considering as how there was a Starbucks in the small town in Japan where I taught for a month, but not one here, I think you can picture the remoteness.
Plus, my grandma is a smoker and for some reason smokers seem to think that if they smoke in a room with the door closed that it will magically not reek for miles of cigarette smoke. News break: IT’S AIR mother fuckers! It can seep under doors and though key holes. I thought I was going to die.
Just picture almost any Reese Witherspoon or Sandra Bullock movie where city girl goes to Hicksville and you pretty much have my week–minus the hot young bachelor (but I did get to spoon my husband, which honestly was the only thing keeping me from losing my shit every night and crying myself to sleep with depression).
Okay. I feel better.