I am trying to prepare myself for being a very open-minded mother when it comes to the choices my daughter will make about partners, jobs, clothes, etc. There are probably two categories of things that I will never be able to compromise. 1) If my daughter comes to me and says she is a Republican. 2) My daughter wants to be a morning news anchor. If she ever wants to “punk” me, feigning interest in one of these two will be highly effective. (Note: she does not have to be a Democrat, she just can’t be a Republican.) If you think I am being harsh about the latter, please watch this video:
(apologies for the link, the video would not post directly to the blog)
From the start, I love how the anchor can’t even talk about the dreaded p-word. Does she think other people don’t know that she has one? I also like how she says she “muffed” the intro. I’ll say!
Helpful insight #1: Your period makes you hungry and effects your emotions.
Say what? All these years and I had no idea!
Helpful insight #2: When you are on your period you are the most creative!
All along I should have been writing my posts for those magical 5 days of the month! Perhaps bleeding vag is equal to a bleeding heart? I am sure Virginia Woolf knew all about this. I am pretty sure that from now on, those of us with creative jobs or hobbies should focus all of our energy on that special week. Perhaps I shall take up cross-stitch…
Helpful insight #3: When you aren’t on your period you are more intuitive and you feel better.
Now that you are done being such a pussy about your period and feeling shitty, you can focus on other people and not be such a bitch.
Helpful insight #4: You have 24 hours to conceive!
Get to it! You will really only be a sexy minx for this short window.
Helpful insight #5: while you are PMSing you burn more calories, which is why you are so hungry.
So don’t eat things that make you fat.
Helpful insight #6: If anything weird happens down there CALL YOUR DOCTOR!
Who knows what lies in the murky nether-regions of your vagina. You should have an expert look at it if it does anything beyond it’s usual weird fucked up routine of inconvenience.
Helpful insight #7: Nature is just fucking with you, ladies.
You don’t actually need your period at all!
This is not included in the video, but another thing you should know is that it turns out bears do not find ladies on the rag more tasty than ladies who are not on the rag. Scientists tested it.
What a relief! Who needs a mother when we have all this amazing info. at our fingertips?