Lately I have had two moments where I have had to really think about my tendency towards being judgmental, and generally speaking, I believe that one should worry about their own vagina and not what others are doing with theirs (or not doing, as the case may be), unless that vagina directly effects you.
Example #1: No children
A friend of mine recently told me she is considering having a hysterectomy because she has debilitating periods. She has no children, is relatively young (early 30s) and is unmarried. As a mother and someone who cares about this friend, I had a visceral reaction to this decision and all that it meant.
I had horrible thoughts like “how will you ever get a man?” and “how can you know you don’t want kids until you have them?” Both of these sentiments are absurd because of course you don’t want a man who only wants you for your breeding potential and you also don’t want to have kids and realize you’d rather not after-the-fact.
Plus, who the fuck am I? I don’t have to walk around in her body with her crappy ass periods. Her vagina, her business.
(On a complete tangent I highly recommend that you google the phrase “no children image” and browse through the selection. You will be thoroughly amused and disturbed at some of the images that come up.)
Example #2: Too many children
On the other end of the spectrum, there can be concern over someone having too many babies. I know I am not alone here. You can bring up “Octomom” in any environment and everyone has a strong opinion to share. For me this is almost purely financial. Can you afford to send your 50th child to college? More immediately, can you afford to house, feed and clothe all your children? If the answer is no, and you have no rich relatives to mooch from, then you should probably re-think things. To be clear, I am not in any way suggesting that accidental pregnancies be aborted–I am referring to intentional pregnancy avoidance only.
This one gets tricky because unlike the no children category, the too many children people do cost the rest of us money. So I get it when people might consider these births irresponsible and get upset over them.
Much like the rest of my positions on things, my live and let live to judgment and disdain ratio will depend on how much I like you, which depends on how much you do or do not annoy me.