Scribbling Dame

Preposterous Pondering.

Back to the humping board. August 13, 2010

Filed under: Mommy Issues,Vagina — Scribbling Dame @ 2:54 pm
Tags: , , , ,

One Doctor’s office pee test later and I am not pregnant. Sigh.

The pregnancy nazi said "no baby for you!"

But, this means I get to drink Sangria’s at a BBQ tonight!

I forgot about the roller coaster of trying to get pregnant. This is probably because it sucks ass and it’s totally disappointing to get a negative test. We are all groomed to believe that we have total control over this process, and as any current parent knows this is just a taste of the future of parenthood, where almost nothing is predictable or as you may have planned. It is not as easy as an I-Dream-of-Jeanie nod of the head. You don’t just magically decide and then poof! Impregnate! (Thank God, or we’d all be Mormon–sized families…)

This is terribly ironic because for us modern ladies it is a huge hurdle to just come to terms with being ready for motherhood. The decision to try feels like the biggest part. Then you actually have to get your body to do it, which people don’t seem to talk about until there is a problem. Three things to note about this process for you first-timers:

The fact is, it’s totally normal to try for up to a year, before you need to make a doctor’s appointment. (I have more than one friend who has had their kid after more than a year of trying.)

Infertility is equally split between men and women, so don’t get all girly and blame yourself without looking at his equipment too!

The older you are, the longer it takes. (And I am sorry to say but 35 is considered a geriatric pregnancy. You know a male doctor came up with that term but egg-production wise, it is old. We all know you are sassy regardless though, 30-somethings).

I am not worried that I am infertile by the way. We haven’t been trying that long. But, it’s been on my mind since I am older and fatter–I mean, less healthy–since the first kid, and I have a lot of wonderful women in my life embarking on this sometimes harrowing adventure.

I was also thinking about this topic because, despite my better judgement, I watched The View the other day. I swear that show comes in a close second with Jerry Springer for it’s treatment of women. What a bunch of cunt-whores. BUT, the show was on trying to conceive so I got hooked in and boy do I regret it. To sum it up everyday my uterus is shrinking and my eggs are drying up. I am probably too old and fat to get pregnant. Oh, and poor. Well,ViewBitches, if all those fat assess on Maury can do it, so can I. 🙂

The View of Hatred. Ruining lives daily.

Needless to say I watched thirty minutes and surprisingly didn’t feel the urge to go fuck my man. If you are trying to conceive, avoid that show. If you are trying to gear up for a convent, be my guest.

It is Friday. It is Sangria time. It is time to get back to the humping board.

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