Scribbling Dame

Preposterous Pondering.

Lessons in Parenting from Willy Wonka June 25, 2010

Filed under: Lessons in Parenting — Scribbling Dame @ 10:37 am
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Parenting Expert or Creepy Pedophile?

Have any of you realized how weird and fucked up your favorite movies from childhood are?

In my memories, movies like Willy Wonka and Disney’s Alice in Wonderland were totally awesome kids movies. Now, watching them as an adult with my own daughter, I am like, WTF?  This movie is messed up. Alice in Wonderland doesn’t even make sense, which, given that it was written by an opium addict I guess is appropo. Willy Wonka is a psycho or a pedophile–can’t figure out which. Don’t even get me started on The Secret of Nymh or The NeverEnding story. No wonder I am such a weirdo–these are the films that raised me!

Anyway, tradition is tradition so Sofia is totally into “Willy Honka” as she calls him. Watching it with her, it struck me how much of that film is directed towards parents and parenting.

Lessons in parenting from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, sung by Oompa Loompas, summarized by le moi…

Lesson 1) Don’t let your kid be a fatty, or he will surely be stuck in a the chocolate river piping; a fate we all hope our children avoid. The lesson here could also be don’t let your kid be German. Not sure.

Lesson 2) Don’t let your kid chew gum all the time, and make sure they listen to grown-ups (even if they are candyman weirdos). No one wants to have to be juiced.

Lesson 3) Don’t let your kid be a spoiled shit or someone might throw them in a furnace. Nuff said.

Lesson 4) Make your kids read books more than they watch T.V.–or creepy movies about pedophiles and midgets and disappearing children. Hmm.

Lesson 5) Read everything you sign, especially if you plan on stealing something. If Charlie had kept that Everlasting Gobstopper, he would have been out a lifetime supply of chocolate plus a candy empire!

Lesson 6) When you get everything you want in life, remember to be happy. Ok, so this one is totally on point.

Of course, the oddest thing about this film is that the kid who has the most moral capacity is in fact the one with the least parental presence. Charlie’s mom busts her ass all day doin’ laundry, no dad around, and only teachers and old crips spend time with him. What are you trying to say Willy?

No matter. You had me at chocolate river.

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4 Responses to “Lessons in Parenting from Willy Wonka”

  1. Maxxy Says:

    OMG – what’s wrong with the secret of Nymph ?? Sorry Nymh, mind was somwwhere else for a sec there….. Long time since I’ve seen it ( in fact I may not have actually seen it, maybe just read the book at school ).

    As to Willy Wonker :

    1. Letting your kid be German is probably worse than them getting stuck in chocolate river piping. After all, everybody loves chocolate…..
    2. I guess that kind of depends on what sort of Juice ??
    3. Agreed – Being thrown in a furnace is always a bit harsh. I certainly never used to like it. Didn’t agree with my eyebrows.
    4. I fully expect by the time my child is three, it should have read most of the Dickens collection. Or maybe Mr Men.
    5. Read everything you sign ?? – Can I rewind the last 20 years ??
    6. Happiness comes from within ( the chocolate river ).

    Will definitely visit this place again. I feel at home here. You’re welcome to pop across to my place any time you want, tea and choccie biccies are always available…..

  2. brianmcannon Says:

    The oddest part of that movie is actually Grandpa Joe. Don’t get me started on Grandpa Joe This has been a conversation that occasionally comes up on sports radio. (what does Willy Wonka have to do with sports you ask? Nothing, but don’t worry about it. Just go with it…)

    Grandpa Joe might be the worst human being ever. First, he sleeps in the same bed with Grandma Bucket and the other set of grandparents. Creepy and wrong. 4 old people under the sheets together all the time…I don’t want to know what happens when Charlie is out buying candy and his poor Mom is out working one of her 9 jobs.

    So this old lazy bum can’t get out of bed to help his daughter who breaks her back so they can all lay around all day. But the second the kid shows up with a golden ticket he springs out of bed and breaks out in song and dance? Way to sit around and look for a golden opportunity gramps. Also…have you listened to the song he sings? “IV’E got a golden ticket!” That is not your ticket grandpa…it’s Charlie’s! Where do you get off claiming that ticket as your own old man?!

    What a loser and sandbagger. Grandpa Joe can go to hell.


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