Scribbling Dame

Preposterous Pondering.

A Welcome Distraction June 6, 2010

Kids are a lot of work, no doubt, but I recently reflected on how much having that distracting kid can be a life-saver. Sofia’s neediness can be irritating at times (what is she, two or something?) but I have to say that as much as it can be frustrating or annoying, I feel I have done a good job capitalizing on her helplessness for my benefit–as any good mother should.

Lacking a supple ass, and since I have nothing in common with this woman except that we are both humans, I have to use my kid as a distraction.

1) Need an escape like now? You can immediately remove yourself from any situation with no judgment what-so-ever. Case in point: my first Christmas with Sofia we went to her Great Aunt and Uncle’s House. I was tired. I had just given birth two weeks ago so was really just recovering from my c-section. The last thing I wanted to do was eat one of Grandpa’s questionable deviled eggs and the traditional “cinnamon pickles” (WTF?) and make small talk with relatives who would not likely speak t0 us until next Christmas. Ka-ching–I have to breastfeed! A free pass from any situation into a private quiet space for some down time, for as long as I need. This is the only thing I miss about breastfeeding.

2) Don’t want to go to an event? Oopsie–no babysitter available! Shucks. So sorry to miss it.

3) So you decided to go to an event but it turned out to be lame? Oh no, we told the babysitter we’d be home by (insert convenient fictional time here). After all, you only get maybe one night out a month–why waste it on a dead party? You could go home and have a quickie or something more productive.

4. Socially awkward? Use your kid to both act as a subject of conversation and a distraction for your guests. My husband and I did this at brunch the other day with a lovely friend who has neither kid or husband. We ran the risk of being the people who only can talk about their kid, but I threw in some interesting articles I read lately and general catching up on each other’s lives. I put in half the work of making it appear like I am functional human being in society. Holla!

5. Family in town? Trying to avoid those uncomfortable issues? Baby time! My grandpa came into town today with his mistress of 17 years (long story, don’t actually blame the guy for it). Still, what does one talk about with your not-Grandma? No worries–just watch all the shenanigans of a two-year-old!

Finally this kid is earning her keep…


One Response to “A Welcome Distraction”

  1. Melanye Says:

    This is awesome – those tips will come in handy soon! 🙂

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