Scribbling Dame

Preposterous Pondering.

Modern Family Thanksgiving November 9, 2009

Filed under: Mommy Issues — Scribbling Dame @ 10:32 pm

As you know by now ladies, I come from a modern family (has anyone seen that show by the way? Hilarious). This means that around the holiday season one of my tasks is to figure who gets time with us and when, then I get to figure out how to make it all actually happen.

This Thanksgiving we are driving to CA where we will visit my grandparents and maybe my dad in Red Bluff (NoCal) then drive to the SF Bay Area, THEN drive ourselves down to Southern CA, then back to the Bay Area and then home to Portland, OR. This miracle will all happen in the course of 9 days. I am tired just thinking about it.

Let’s face it–we all have family members we love to visit and those that we have to work ourselves up for. Since I have 6 parents (bio mom + stepdad, and biodad and step-mom, plus non-bio-I-was raised with him as my dad, plus ex-step-mom) it gets complicated. Of course I prefer to spend time with the parents I wasn’t raised with because we have no baggage with each other. I met my biological dad and step-mom (and sister)when I was 19. We are still in the honeymoon phase of parent-child relationship, therefore it is always relaxing to visit. Plus they live in a quaint beach town where you can go antiquing and we always have excellent meals. Most of all i enjoy visiting them because I do not have to think about anything when I am there. I get to show up for meals and play all day.

I am least looking forward to time with my mother (did you see that coming?) In all my years I have no recollection of my mother making a Thanksgiving dinner and this year will be no different–my step-dad is making homemade tamales, which are amazing, but not my idea of  Thanksgiving fare. I feel like our visits are all about avoiding getting into quarrels and tip-toeing around hurting each other’s feelings since we have no idea how to communicate. Plus, my mother and her family are always in crisis–financial, health, and familial (usually my younger 18-year-old brother whom my mom screwed up but can’t understand why he acts out). Oh and did I mention that they don’t drink? So I will be stone-cold sober as well.

I do harbor guilt for being such a snob about this. I hope I am wrong and I am trying to keep my attitude in check with what is really important–spending time with people we haven’t seen in almost 2 years and enjoying watching them interact with little miss Sofia. I have a lot to be thankful for despite the complications in my family life.

Still, I distinctly remember a journal entry I made to Sofia after she was born (I have kept a journal to her throughout my pregnancy and her first 2 years). I had an entire entry about how one of my dreams for her is to give her the most boring, whitebread life imaginable. I want her to be comforted by the thought of a visit. I want her to always have a place where she belongs instead of feeling fragmented. I never want her to have to think about where home is for the holidays. When my husband and I accomplish that, I will have something to be truly thankful for.

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2 Responses to “Modern Family Thanksgiving”

  1. Kris Says:

    A friend of mine tuned me into your blog and I am so enjoying it.
    I am in the same boat when it comes to family and I’m always torn on what to do when the holidays roll around each year. I grew up around my grandparents and cousins and have a lot of great memories. There is a huge part of me that would love my daughters to have that experience as well. BUT the reality is, we live such a different kind of life than the rest of my family, coupled with the fact that there is hardly ever a trip when family drama doesn’t rear its ugly head…
    What’s a girl to do? I too have issues with my mother. Now that I’m a mom, I want to have an amazing relationship with my daughters, but find myself asking, “is it a pipe dream?”. If I look at the legacy of my mother and her mother and her mother’s mother, the odds are stacked against me… though it doesn’t stop me from trying my damndest to beat the odds – I’m a chic that likes a challenge 🙂

    • tigrmom Says:

      I am banking on the fact that since I constantly ask myself “am I being the best mom I can be?” that it will ensure that I do better than my predecessors. At least this is what I tell myself now. Ask my kid in 20 years!


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