Scribbling Dame

Preposterous Pondering.

Breast-feeding is for Aliens October 20, 2009

Filed under: Boobs — Scribbling Dame @ 11:34 am
Tags: ,

So before I go on my rant, I want to say that of course I think breast-feeding (if you can do it) is the right choice. Not-to-mention it’s cheap and certainly appealing to those of us who don’t want to get out of bed to feed our newborn.

I did it. I only did it for 6 months, and it is probably the weirdest thing I have ever done, but I did it because I knew it was good for me and the baby and thankfully, it wasn’t that difficult for us. Even so, I could not fathom doing it for the recommended 2 YEARS!!!!

Let’s get real here: for most of us, the experience is not the beautiful Xanadu that many of our resources lead us to believe. The times as a new mother that I felt like the biggest freak on the planet was when I was breast-feeding and pumping. The first thing that made me cry as a pregnant lady was a picture in a Parents magazine of a woman in a suit skirt, with her laptop on her lap and not one but 2 pumps sucking the life force out of her. Looking at that photo was like seeing the Terminator in person–half human, half machine with a laptop no less! WTF?

I remember constantly squirting milk everywhere, trying not to be obscene in public while also trying to not drop the baby and maneuver the nipple into her mouth. I remember pumping at work (the only person in my whole company) in my office with the curtains I had to bring–terrified that the cheap-ass rod was going to fall down and reveal that I, too, had gone Terminator. I remember dropping the damn bag after pumping and spilling my personal liquid gold…chapped nipples at first… pointless shirt-wearing. For all my bitching, I am serious when I say I know I had it easy: Sofia latched right away and I never ran out of supply.

I just had to say this. Breast-feeding is a pain in the ass. There is no sunshine or birdies or rainbows that show up when you do it. My sincere respect goes out to you moms who don’t have it as easy as I did. You are truly Soldiers de Leche.

**for those of you who are easily entertained by random facts: breast-milk is non-dairy and is therefore Kosher.


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