I mean, I say it a lot. I love the word “Fuck.” I know it is not proper. I know it doesn’t set a good example for my very impressionable almost-2-year-old. I know it’s not “professional.” I think it is all these reasons that I fucking love to say it. In my world where I try and scrape together every ounce of energy I have to be responsible, informed, poised, etc., “fuck” is one of my last cheap thrills. I know tons of other words–I have 2 English degrees. None of them works better.
It is exactly being a mom who says fuck that is the inspiration for my blog, for my need to blog. I need a place that is middle road of proper mom-dom. I am not alternative enough for the alterna-mom crowd (i.e. less than 4 tattoos and piercings), but I am not conventional enough for the suburban mommies (i.e. I work full-time out of my home).
I have a career. I own a home. I have a little girl and a loving husband. I have a lot of things I know need to get done and that there are proper ways for doing most of these things. I agree with most of the proper ways, but not enough to exempt me from shocking the hell out of the people around me sometimes–most especially the other women who I encounter.
There are 3 reasons for my quirkiness:
1)I grew up with my single mom and had no male influence around to tell me what I should or should not say. I now view this as a blessing. Not knowing any better has made me brave by default.
2)I went to a women’s college and was allowed to think and say whatever I wanted to. Also a blessing.
3) Having a baby gave me a lot more to talk about that was a lot more scandalous. For instance, I now have a valid reason to use the word vagina as often as I like in conversation with other women. This is because mine has been through a lot.
My hope in writing these is to indulge myself in my random thinking and perhaps flush out some of the more serious things on my mind, and always to be able to step back and see the humor in things. It may be self-indulgent but I am okay with that. If, in the process, anyone else reads this and it resonates and makes someone feel that they are not the only one with these thoughts, then that is also a good thing.
Disclaimer: I am not going to trouble myself with grammar or proper punctuation.